Last night I attended/ OHSU had their Biennial Teal Time event for Ovarian Cancer patients, their families and staff of The Women's Center for Health. I was also fortunate enough to be asked to guide a Teal Time Art experience for a little under 100 people who attended...we painted and collaged little 4"x4" canvases together while sharing our stories
.... I say fortunate because I was having a really bad day right before the event happened ...add to it I forgot to take my camera with me...Turns out .. it was one of the best things that could have happened ...instead of standing " outside" what was happening looking for the best picture angle.. I was fully immersed in the experience... barefoot in my paint overalls Munkee at my side...talking with people who have been going through the same things I have....people from different backgrounds coming together.... celebrating each other despite this terrible disease that connects us all ...realizing that at 5 years.. I'm an veteran among the women afflicted there... humbling
They asked me to speak as well ...those of you who know me close.. know how much I LOVE (eye roll) public speaking ...but like I said then and I say every time I do it...the subject /reason I'm speaking is more important then my fear of doing it... I don't like doing it...don't appreciate the herd of elephants moshing in my gut...but it's something I'm willing to do anyway, because it's important.
I gave them a short bio on who I was as a local artist and my story as a cancer patient and then read them the artist statement from the Resistance group show..(I'll post it in comments)
After the speakers those who had not already started painting with us joined and we painted and shared stories and laughs ...and everyone loved Munkee up until the evening ended
Talking with my Dad while he was taking me home ... I kept asking if I had done well and telling him I always feel like what I do is not enough
...just now typing this I burst out in tears realizing "why" called my dad and talked through the emotions... I just wanted my dad to be proud of me...and he is I know he is ..simultaneously I heard myself say " that's one for the bucket list" ..because I was looking for approval through someone else...unable to accept myself as is
...those who know me also know I am very hard on myself nothing is ever good enough .. I could have done more...always room for improvement...could have been...
Top of my bucket list isn't traveling or meeting people
... it's learning to love and accept myself fully
as I am for what I am.. I am enough.
... it's learning to love and accept myself fully
as I am for what I am.. I am enough.
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