1/29/20 I've cycled back around to being angry...very.

1st I am not religious PLEASE stop posting religious things to "help" ...they dont
 ...that helps you feel better not me.. I am not confused or uneducated re: religion
...nor am I an atheist... I just don't believe what you believe...your not going to
change my mind ....you will drive a wedge between us..please stop...research
cancer post links etc etc.

I'm getting concerned messages and notes more than I can emotionally handle
 answering individually...I'm sorry I haven't updated more I've tried to be
 "living in the MOment" and frankly I am very overwhelmed ...anytime I try
 to write back or talk about where I am what's happening I bawl my ass off
 like I am doing right now....for that reason keeping it short...

...chemo 4 didn't work I am not in remission.

...last CA125 bloodwork my numbers were back up to 352...and it's almost been a month since then.

...they put me on a different parp inhibitor hoping to hold the numbers there if nothing else.

....I have new bloodwork on the 4th and meet my new Dr
(My long term Dr has moved out of state) on the 5th

...I am in pain most of the time last few days severely in my gut. I'm worried the blockage
 is coming back and I will be hospitalized again. Yes I talked to the Dr. doing as suggested
...calling them back tomorrow if I dont feel better by morning.

I've cycled back around to being angry...very...at cancer...even family & "friends"
.....I started seeing my shrink again...almost dying this summer really set me back
emotionally ...when I am not a complete mess I'll expand on that and have more to say
 ... for now I'm done... I will or will have someone else ... (which I am considering doing)...
update after bloodwork and Dr visit. I don't want to say much more because I don't feel
I am in a healthy mind space ..and it would get ugly real quick.

LOVE ♥️