Reality Check... One two one two

Thank you all that are sticking with me through this .. Second round with ovarian cancer ....here we go ... again. 

Your support gives me strength and if nothing else ...may my battle give you knowledge so ovarian cancer will stop being known as the silent killer and some day maybe even curable. 

Dr appointment today to see if I've healed enough from surgery to start chemo... I'll update ASAP 

I'll start blogging more often soon... Documenting the battle helps me step back and observe so to speak 

However...for now the meds they sent me home on from surgery for this bad boy ...(filleted back open along the original scar chest to pelvis pulled tighter and then 8 other places in a square around my guts where biological mesh is sewn threw tacking it in place to hold my guts in. ...and 2 drain holes)

....have had me in and out of it sleeping 18/24... With some crazy ass stick to you dreams that seem SOOO real....I mean I'm an artist with a pretty vivid imagination but hairless/patchy translucent kittens ...too much!! 

These Meds got my brain all over the place... mad at people for things that never happened except in my dreams... 

Very emotional to begin with... Like my real reality isn't enough already.

The NOW

This isn't about saving my life anymore... I'm dying... Cancer is killing me....unless some pretty awesome ish happens in the next 12-24 months... That may be all I have left. I am dying in the way I have always been most afraid of long slow painful... Maybe on some sub-level I was so afraid of it because I knew it was coming for me? Who knows...

Now ... Is about battling for some MOre time...another day with my granddaughter....Being able to be here long enough to see my grandson be born ....if I'm really lucky to see him walk. A few MOre days to smear paint on canvas... MOre time to snuggle my Munkee...spend time withy loved ones ...Make a few MOre meMOrays ...before I exit stage right.